Finding Mindful Moments When You Have an Anxious Dog

For many people, January is a time of reflection. The festive rush is officially over, and a sense of calmness falls. Though for those of us with anxious dogs, we’re pretty much always in a state of hypervigilance, having to think ahead and predict triggers for our pets. Not wanting to speak on anyone’s behalf, I can only share from my own experiences, which I aim to do in this article.

I wouldn’t change the relationship I share with my dog for anything in the world. Do I love him more than life itself? Yes. Is it sometimes hard and tiring caring for a dog with such a specific set of needs and a history of trauma and neglect? Also, yes.

This means that sometimes I forget to check in with myself and my own needs. However, this year I’m making sure that both Freddie and I take the time to ground ourselves in shared mindful moments, and I'm offering advice from the five years we’ve shared together already, in the hope that it might just help someone struggling with an anxious pet at home.

One of the most beautiful things about January is the blush-coloured mornings that make me feel hopeful that lighter days are ahead. I find them meditative and actually look forward to taking my dog on a walk. For us, the earlier the better.

Though Freddie isn’t particularly reactive to other dogs, busy areas with lots of traffic and roadworks can cause him a lot of stress, so I find an early morning walk at about 7am allows us to start the day in a peaceful way. I’ve also been trying to fight the urge to listen to music on walks and purposefully leave my headphones at home so I can listen to the sounds of nature instead - which in itself is a particularly mindful technique! For someone who adores music, this can be quite a challenge, but I feel constantly overstimulated and overwhelmed by the digital landscape we live in and would find myself responding to notifications mid-dog walk. Actively choosing to disconnect means that for about half an hour, I’m unreachable, and the only thing that matters is Freddie and me.

Because Freddie carries so much stress and anxiety within his body, I find it very useful to make time to just give him complete one-to-one contact. He physically carries this weight on his front shoulders. After taking him to physiotherapy a few years ago, I learnt just how to help him relax, and now make this part of our nightly routine.

When we’re winding down at the end of the day, I’ll get onto his level and slowly relax the tension in his shoulders by using my thumbs to make gentle rotations on the muscles. Even after just five minutes, I can really feel a difference in how much more relaxed he is. I’d highly recommend seeking physiotherapy for your anxious pet; it can really help them ease the physical tension they hold in their bodies.

To get my brain into sleep mode, I’ll often play relaxing music and light a candle. Again, this helps me switch off from a busy day and forces me to acknowledge it’s time for rest and relaxation, away from the temptation of doomscrolling late into the early hours.

When I first brought Freddie home, he was terrified of everything and everyone. Having been used for breeding and discarded when no longer of use, he had major trust issues (and still does to this day).

We couldn’t even walk down the street without him cowering behind a nearby wall, and when I took him to the vets for a health check, the vet told me he was “a shell of himself”. Hearing those words made my heart ache, and in that moment, I made it my mission to coax him out of himself slowly. This was hard and tiring. And most days felt like one step forward, a hundred steps back. At the time, it felt impossible to ever imagine sharing a mindful moment together.

And so, I realised that I had to get Freddie to trust those around me. This helped to slightly ease the responsibility of caring for such an anxious pet. Over time, he formed bonds with my closest friends and took a particular shine to my mum, who can now easily look after him for a night or two if I’m ever away for work or a weekend break. I know it’s easier said than done, but there’s no need to feel shame or guilt in asking for help. Every dog I’ve ever had has been so different, and whilst I didn’t anticipate the hardship that would come with mine and Freddie’s relationship, I’ve come to realise that we don’t need to be joined at the hip 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I have learnt to trust that others can sometimes meet his needs too, which, in turn, has helped take a weight off my shoulders. I've also learnt to accept that what happened to Freddie before we met is not my fault. I can't go back in time to change it, no matter how hard I wish I could.

We’ve all heard the old adage of ‘nothing grows in the comfort zone’, and whilst this is something I wholeheartedly subscribe to in other parts of my life, I don’t believe it’s always something you need to work on when accompanied by an anxious dog. Don’t get me wrong, Freddie had completely missed the socialisation chapter of his younger life, so I made sure we worked on slowly going out to more public places. But I now know, from experience, not to try to take him on public transport or to crowded indoor venues like pubs and restaurants, because not only does it cause him stress, it causes me stress too. I also try to think ahead when booking vet appointments and find times during the day that are less likely to be busy. I’ll admit, it’s a lot to have to think about, but it’s worth it for our pets.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we know our limit. A walk with other on-lead dogs, sign us up! A large, airy cafe space? We’ll give it a go! Instead of having unrealistic expectations, I’ve learnt to accept each day as it comes and realise how lucky I am to have met Freddie. Whilst perfection looks different to everyone, he’s the most perfect dog in the world in my eyes, and I wouldn’t change anything about him.

If you sometimes struggle to find moments of calm with your pet, I hope this advice can help in some way and remind you that you are most definitely not alone in this journey. As we ease into January, we’re surrounded by sudden expectations to be new people, which feels pretty unrealistic, not to mention demanding. Instead, maybe it’s time to lower the noise in our brains by switching the phone off, nurturing the relationships we have and taking stock of what we’ve got. Believe me when I say, it’s enough.